The Ornament
by Cats070911
Summary: It is Christmas Eve and Barbara has a tradition to perform but Tommy wants to take her for a drink. They compromise and as Tommy learns about her through her ritual he also learns about his own feelings.


**Author's note:** all usual disclaimers apply. This little story appeared in my head tonight, Christmas Eve, as the family gathered around the tree talking about Christmases past. A tad hastily written but Merry Christmas!

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><p>"Goodnight and Merry Christmas Lynley, Sergeant Havers."<p>

"Goodnight Sir," they said in unison, "Merry Christmas."

The Assistant Commissioner left the room and DI Lynley looked over at his sergeant who was still sorting papers on the other side of the room.

"Well, I think that's about it," Tommy said yawning. "Do you fancy a drink?"

Barbara looked up at the clock and paused. "Nah, thanks anyway I just need to finish this."

"It's eight o'clock on Christmas Eve, it can wait surely."

Barbara did not want to have to explain. "Okay but just one. I need to do something tonight."

Tommy raised his eyebrow. "Last minute shopping?"

"Something like that."

They gathered their coats and wound scarves around their necks to protect against the biting wind that had sprung up that afternoon. Tommy drove to their usual pub and Barbara went inside to get a seat while he found a parking spot. By the time he went inside she had pint waiting for him on a small stand up table near the fire. "Cheers Barbara!" he said raising his glass, "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas Sir."

Tommy found conversation difficult knowing that they were both going to spend Christmas alone. He had decided not to go to Cornwall this year because his mother was visiting Judith and Peter was still overseas. He had thought about inviting Barbara over for lunch but he had not summoned up the courage to ask fearing she would think he felt sorry for her and worried he was feeling sorry for himself.

"Well I'll be off Sir," she said reluctantly. Barbara liked Christmas in a theoretical way but in practice it was lonely and isolating.

"I'll drive you."

"That's kind but I have and errand before I go home." It was nearly nine o'clock and she was worried she would not reach the shop before it closed.

"I don't mind, unless of course you want privacy."

It was awkward to explain her tradition. "It's sort of personal. I don't like to be rude."

"No, of course, I'm sorry. Can I drop you anywhere?" Tommy could not think of anything else to delay the inevitable.

Barbara looked at his eyes a was overwhelmed by the sadness and loneliness. "Yeah, if you want to take me to Camden."

The traffic was heavier than she had anticipated and she began to wish she had taken the Tube. She did not want the shop to close before she got there and it was getting close to ten o'clock.

Tommy noticed her anxiously looking at her watch. "Are you late?"

"Nah, it's fine. Just drop me up here a bit. Thanks for the lift."

He pulled out his police sign and placed it in his windscreen and pulled into a vacant emergency services spot. He knew Barbara's eyes were questioning this abuse of power. "It's safer for you to get out," he said sheepishly.

Tommy looked across at her and smiled. It broadened into a grin that always affected her in a way that her boss smiling at her should not do. His face and his eyes shone adorably and she could not help but smile back. "Come on then. I won't be long then you can drop me home."

Barbara hurried down the road and into a small shop at the back of a building bordering the canal. Tommy was surprised. The shop seemed to be filled with nothing but Christmas paraphernalia. There were holly wreaths, tinsel, baubles and stars. He followed her as she searched for whatever she was seeking.

Barbara saw the confusion on his face. She had brought him here so she felt obligated to explain. "I want a decoration for my tree that represents this year in some way."

Tommy was unsure what to say but instantly regretted what escaped his mouth. "You...have a tree?"

Barbara was embarrassed and could not look at him but she was also somewhat indignant. "Yes, I have a tree. Now if you can't help me then let me get in with it."

Now it was Lynley's turn to look at the ground. "I'm sorry. It just surprised me." Her answering humph told him she was not impressed.

As they moved deeper into the shop Tommy noticed the quality and price of the ornaments go up. Barbara seemed to reach a price point and stop. She turned around and was reviewing ones she had already passed when he spotted a hand-painted ball that struck him as perfect. It was police blue and had a man and a woman having a snow fight. Their laughing expressions reminded him of his relationship with Barbara. On one hand they argued and fought but underneath it there was a friendship and a bond that tied them together. "What about this one?"

Barbara looked up and saw where he was standing. "Too expensive," she said dismissively.

"At least look."

Barbara sighed and went over. He pointed and she instantly understood. The scene was them. In a way it did symbolise their year. After the traumatic events after Helen's death almost eighteen months ago they had become closer. They still fought and argued but their friendship was solid. She looked at the price tag and baulked. "Twelve pounds for one decoration! I think I'll look for something cheaper."

"Will you let me pay half?"

His offer surprised her. It would not have been strange if he had offered to buy it outright but this was different. She suspected he was being very cagey knowing it would be hard to mount a logical argument against it. It was Christmas and he was being charming but also making an effort not to blunder in with his manners and money. She sighed. "Yes, thank you that would be nice."

When he parked near her flat and turned the engine off Barbara knew he expected to be invited in. It was upsetting her ritual but she wanted his company. "I suppose it is only fair for you to hang this one. It might take half an hour until it's ready...the tree I mean. I have a routine. I understand if you can't wait that long. It was awfully good of you to drive me on a busy night. I hope you have a good Christmas Sir."

"I don't need to be anywhere else."

Once inside Barbara hurriedly threw a few things that were draped on her couch over the back of it out if sight. "Coffee? A drink?"

"A whiskey would be nice," he replied removing his coat. He looked around but could not see a tree.

Barbara poured them a drink then fetched two boxes from her hall cupboard. "You can separate the branches into their sizes while I put the trunk together."

Tommy sat on the floor and tipped the box of branches out in front of him. They seemed old and a little fragile. They were made from tinsel stiffened with wire. He quickly found the four sizes and matches all the branches. The trunk was made from dowel that had been dyed forest green. There were regular holes drilled around it in a spiral pattern. Barbara took a few of the bigger branches and wiggled the wires into the holes. Tommy helped her and soon they had a five foot high semblance of a tree.

They both stood back and admired their handiwork. "Where are your decorations?"

"We can add ours and then you can go if you'd like." Barbara had a ritual and was not sure she wanted to share it with him.

"I don't mind helping. It makes feel nostalgic. It reminds me of when I was a kid."

Barbara made a noise she did not recognise. That was exactly why she did it each year. "I...?I have a ritual which you will probably think is dumb but if you don't laugh you can stay."

When he looked at her he saw someone who was alone and afraid. He wanted to protect her in some way but most of all he wanted to be here with her, for her. He draped his arm around her shoulder and hugged her to him. "I won't laugh."

"The decorations have to go up in order. There is one for each year and they all have a meaning. I sort of relive those things as I hang them."

Tommy was deeply moved not only by the ritual and the raw honesty in her voice but by the way she was allowing him to watch. This was obviously extremely personal and he felt privileged. "I think that is a beautiful tradition."

She heard the crack in his voice and looked up. Those deep brown eyes were moist and he was looking at her in a way that made her pleased she was sharing this with him.

The decorations hung from wire or string and were attached to the tree by s-shaped plastic hooks that clipped over the branch and through the string loops. She told him the order and he placed a hook through the loop then handed her the decoration.

"This was Mum and Dad's tree. We used it all my life. This star is the first decoration they ever bought." Barbara placed it carefully at the top of the tree. "This green ball is when Mum was expecting me and this baby in the manger was from the year I was born. I think they expected more from me than I ever delivered."

Tommy smiled at her and she continued to outline happy family moments from Terry's birth until his death. "I insisted they put up the tree but they didn't want to. I made this frame with his photo in it and every year I made them hang it right here staring at them." Barbara looked at the small frame and the photo of her brother and sniffed loudly.

Tommy was unsure whether to say anything or not. This was her ritual and he would just watch and listen. She continued with her stories about each year. Many were sad until she had joined the Met then her stories became angrier. It reminded him of when they first met and the simmering resentment that was eating her away. Each of the next few made them laugh as she talked about their cases together starting with Yorkshire. She talked about their arguments and drinking together in the pub and long car trips and cheeky remarks. It was only when she paused at last year's ornament that he realised each of those had been about him in some way, or more accurately about their relationship.

Barbara did not really want to tell Tommy about the next one but she decided to be honest. It was a purely black ball. "This one represents Helen's death and the affect it had on you and on our friendship. You were in a dark place and I couldn't reach you." She sniffed and quickly wiped her eyes hoping that she was not going to start crying.

She looked across and saw tears well in his eyes. "I'm sorry Barbara. I lost sight of everything important."

"Come on," she said trying to lighten the mood, "you hang this year's."

Tommy stood beside Barbara and placed it reverently on the tree. "When I saw this it reminded me of us. Always strong partners and no matter how much we argue it is only snow we are throwing not rocks."

Barbara looked up at him and smiled. It was no different to hundreds of other smiles she had given him except that this was the first time he had realised that she loved him with the purity and intensity with which he had always wanted to be loved. He also understood that his need to be with her was not loneliness; he was quite capable of entertaining himself. It was simply that he loved her as much as she loved him.

Tommy leant down and kissed her and when their lips touched gently it felt as if he was coming home to a place he belonged. Barbara wrapped her arms around his back and the kiss developed into a very long conversation about regret and sorrow and longing and love.

When he bent towards her Barbara had expected to be scared. This would change everything between them forever but as he kissed her those fears vanished. Nothing would destroy what they had and this only made it stronger. The hour chime rang on Barbara's watch. It was midnight. "Merry Christmas Sir."

"Merry Christmas Barbara. Do you want me to go?"

"No stay please...Tommy."

He kissed her passionately. "Forever!"


End file.
